Someone begins speaking while another was mid-sentence, and cut them off. What’s that all about?
Then there is “Cooperative overlapping” – a particularly active form of “participatory listenership.” Perhaps listeners must do something to show they haven’t mentally checked out of a conversation. If they don’t, the speaker may have trouble continuing.
Signs of listening can range from nodding or an occasional “mhm” or “uhuh.” Or interjecting briefly with a similar story, then yielding the floor back.
Experts have described overlapping talk as enthusiastic participation in various cultures around the world. One New Yorkers lived in California so long, he had to struggle to stay part of the conversation. But he’s still a New Yorker: His California-born-and-bred wife often accuses him of interrupting her.
Those who aren’t used to cooperative overlapping can end up feeling interrupted, silenced, maybe. In a recent survey, a Californians and a Londoner felt that the New Yorkers had “dominated” the conversation.
Cooperative overlapping is part of a conversational ethic that regards perceptible pauses as awkward silence, to be avoided by keeping pauses short — or nonexistent. Those of us who converse this way often don’t realize that someone who wants to speak might be waiting for a pause to join in.
Again, in the study, a woman and her husband had hosted a great dinner party, he would accused her of hogging the floor and shutting him out. He said “You need a crowbar to get into those conversations!” Perhaps his metaphor was perfect: If the pause you expect between speaking turns doesn’t come, you really can’t figure out a way to break in.
Not all overlapping is cooperative. It can really be intended to dominate the conversation, steal the floor or even to undermine the speaker. But understanding that talking along may be cooperative can make our conversations better, as we return to in-person socializing and work.
If you notice someone has been silent, you might count to seven before beginning to speak again, or invite them to speak. If you’ve been waiting in vain for a pause, you might push yourself to jump in. And if you feel interrupted, try continuing to talk, instead of stopping.